What Is Antisemitism?
A Primer for Non-Jewish Partners
by Rich Robinson I December 17, 2024
When my Jewish uncle married his Catholic wife, we at least knew that we’d eat well when we were over at their place. But we didn’t really know what else to expect. Mixed marriages like that were not as common back in the 1960s as they have become in recent decades.
But common they are now. In 2021, a Pew study revealed that “among [Jews] who have gotten married since 2010, 61% are intermarried.”[1] It shouldn’t surprise us—after all, opposites attract. But for couples where those “opposites” happen to be one partner who’s Jewish and one who’s not, there is a lot to learn about each other. And the sharing goes beyond one another’s favorite recipes—there are difficult topics to share too.
Though I don’t recall talking about antisemitism at their eclectic family dinner table, I wonder if it ever came up for my aunt and uncle. If she had asked me about the implications and history of the world’s oldest hatred [2] and if I’d known then what I know now, this is what I would have told my Catholic aunt.
A Brief Definition
If you’re Jewish, you know antisemitism when you hear it (or see it). But for people who haven’t grown up with that awareness, sometimes it’s difficult to distinguish what does or doesn’t qualify as antisemitic. So, here is some clarification for the non-Jewish partner reading this.
Firstly, antisemitism (like many things) encompasses a spectrum of actions. At worst, it stems from hatred; at best, from insensitivity or ignorance. At one end we have “Jewish jokes,” which the speaker may think are lighthearted, but which are often the byproduct of things antisemites have said through the ages. For example, some non-Jews make comments about how “Jews are good with money.” Or they feel free to stereotype Jewish people based on appearance or lifestyle. (Yes, engaging in stereotypic tropes can be a form of antisemitism.)
At the other end of the spectrum are social efforts to marginalize or even “punish” Jewish people. This is where we find the worst of what you’ve seen in history books and, frighteningly, in today’s news: from violence to angry threats to pogroms (organized attacks on Jews).
In the past few years, governments and organizations have often been guided by a definition offered by the International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance.[3] Their definition is very sobering to read, but it may help you understand some of the dehumanizing forms of antisemitism and how different expressions of it could be affecting your partner.
Why It Matters to Your Jewish Partner
There’s a saying that goes, “If you’ve met one Jewish person, you’ve met one Jewish person.” So, we don’t claim to be able to tell you exactly how your partner is feeling about antisemitism (or any other Jewish issue) right now.
But Jewish people often hold in common some deep cultural values, no matter how religiously observant we are (or aren’t). The important thing for you, as a Gentile partner, is to talk to your person about their values. Knowing a little bit about recent difficult events within Jewish communities may help prepare you for that conversation.
In Israel: The wanton massacre of Israelis—the most killed at any single time since the Holocaust—by Hamas on October 7, 2023, traumatized Israel and horrified Jewish communities around the world. It also set off a ripple effect of antisemitic expressions globally.
In New York (where I grew up and went to school): Protestors of the war in Israel set up encampments on university campuses. Those encampments were not places of peaceful protest; they were springboards often used to harass and threaten Jewish students.[4]
Europe has become a hotbed of antisemitism. As of this writing, a mob in Amsterdam just attacked a group of Israeli soccer fans. A few years ago, a Holocaust survivor in France was thrown to her death off her balcony.
Knowing about events like these may help you understand any feelings of fear that your partner is experiencing. If he or she harbors fears of antisemitism directed against him/herself or against Jews in general, that is not alarmism.
The events listed above are not isolated from each other, nor do they feel “far away.” Rather, each antisemitic act feels like one scene of a whole story that the Jewish people have long been steeped in.
A Quick History
In the Bible, the book of Esther contains the story of an attempted genocide of the Jewish people. The Persian king’s right-hand man, Haman (Israel’s enemy), was thwarted by the intervention of Queen Esther and her cousin Mordechai. The Jewish holiday of Purim celebrates this miraculous deliverance.
Let’s jump to the Middle Ages when Jews began to be accused of using the blood of murdered Christian children to make matzah, the unleavened bread used at Passover. This accusation, known as the “blood libel,” was repeated in the former Soviet Union, is still promulgated in part of the Muslim world, and even appeared in a town in upstate New York in the twentieth century.[5]
Martin Luther, father of the Protestant Reformation, experienced some low points in his life. At one of those points, he wrote a booklet called On the Jews and Their Lies, in which he advocated horrifying measures to be taken against Jews. It’s important to note that the Lutheran church has since repudiated this aspect of Luther’s teaching; but it’s also important to note that his legacy remains for many Jewish people.
A forgery called the Protocols of the Elders of Zion accused the Jewish people of plotting world domination. This booklet was promoted by Henry Ford (of Ford Motors fame) and continues to be circulated worldwide. This is the best-known of “conspiracy theories” either accusing Jews of seeking world control, of controlling finance and media industries, or of being responsible for the ills of the world.[6]
The most horrifying example of antisemitism is the Shoah (Holocaust), the extermination of 1/3 of world Jewry (6 million people) by Hitler and Germany in the mid-twentieth century. The atrocities are still hard to believe. Millions were rounded up, tightly packed into cattle cars, and sent to their deaths by gassing in the infamous Nazi death camps.
Examples of Solidarity
As long as there has been antisemitism, there have been those who are willing to stand alongside the Jewish people.
During the Holocaust, there were many who risked their lives to hide Jews; they are known as “Righteous Gentiles” and have been specially commemorated by the Jewish community (including by Yad Vashem, the World Holocaust Remembrance Center in Israel).[7] We may never know how many lives were saved by these brave allies.
The “Block of Women”[8] in Berlin, Germany, is a memorial built for non-Jewish women with Jewish husbands who were arrested during the Holocaust. These women stood in front of government buildings and protested at the risk of their own lives. Because of their strong and loud resistance, thousands of prisoners were set free.
And a few years ago, when Jews were in danger of being the targets of antisemites in Germany, there was a call for all Germans to wear kippot (the head coverings worn by many Jews) in solidarity. One German tabloid took the protest so seriously that it published a link to a downloadable, printable kippah for readers to cut out and wear![9]
What Can You Do?
In a sense, you are already doing it! Simply by virtue of being with your Jewish partner, you’ve already chosen to align yourself with the Jewish story. You may not have known all the ins and outs that would come with your choice. (But really, isn’t that true with any long-term relationship?)
Your allyship and loyalty at this time may be part of the message your partner needs to hear: that they are not alone. You can take simple steps like reading up on Jewish history, letting your partner process their feelings and experiences with you, and simply taking time to sit with them. Those action items may not seem akin to wearing a kippah from a newspaper cut-out, but the little things you can do may speak the message of solidarity more powerfully than you realize.
And in the same way that you are learning to be an ally to your partner, Jewish Gentile Couples ministry is here as an ally for you. Antisemitism affects both of you. So, if you need a listening ear or you’d like someone to coach you through your experiences, please reach out.
Is antisemitism affecting you?
Our coaches help interfaith couples like you when it comes to navigating this and other challenges.
End Notes
“Jewish Americans in 2020,” Pew Research Center, May 11, 2021.
From the title of the book Antisemitism: The Oldest Hatred by John Mann (London: Bloomsbury, 2015). The title is sometimes used elsewhere, e.g., “Ambassador Lipstadt’s Remarks from the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum’s National Commemoration of the Days of Remembrance.”
“Working Definition of Antisemitism,” International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance, accessed 11/19/2024.
For a perspective by Jewish college student, see The Forward. For a view by a Gentile Christian, see First Things.
See Edward Berenson, The Accusation: Blood Libel in an American Town (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2019).
For a recent and very readable account of conspiracy theories directed against the Jewish people, see Mike Rothschild, Jewish Space Lasers: The Rothschilds and 200 Years of Conspiracy Theories (Brooklyn: Melville House, 2023).
“The Righteous Among the Nations,” Yad Vashem, accessed 11/26/24.
“Block of Women,” Visit Berlin, accessed 11/30/2024.
“Top German Paper to print out cutout kippah in solidarity with Jews,” The Times of Israel, May 27, 2019.