Crossing Cultural Frontiers at Passover and Easter
We often remind our readers that all communication is cross cultural. That dynamic might be hard to see until you and your partner celebrate a meaningful family life-cycle event or a traditional holiday celebration. The close proximity of Passover and Easter can provide those opportunities for discovery.
Crossing cultural frontiers at Passover and Easter really isn’t that hard if we can take time to learn from one another.
Marc and Sandy, a Jewish-Gentile couple, reported just such a cross-cultural encounter when I interviewed them. It began at Passover when Marc brought his new wife, Sandy, to his parents’ home for the celebration. Sandy, a born-again follower of Jesus, looked forward to knowing her Jewish in-laws better. She read about Passover in her Bible and was surprised to find out that Jesus celebrated the festival (Luke 22 or John 2–3 and 11ff). So, she went into the event with high hopes.
It wasn’t what she expected. Sandy was overwhelmed by all the simultaneous conversations. She didn’t know where to jump in or even whether her participation was welcome. She enjoyed participating in the prayers that were read from the Haggadah. If in English, she could understand and recognize some of the Psalms and even the Exodus portions.
On their way home, Sandy described feeling like an outsider at Marc’s family gathering. She felt like she was seen as not being a member of the tribe. Before that evening, Marc wasn’t aware of the culture shock Sandy might experience at her first Passover. However, he did know that her feedback came from someone who loved him and his family. She genuinely wanted to know more about their practices, beliefs, and the ways in which they related.
It was just a weird experience. Neither of them anticipated that they would experience culture shock in the homes of their own families. Marc, in turn, described his discomfort at lunch with Sandy’s family after attending a “Resurrection Sunday” service on Easter.
Church was easier for Marc since he wasn’t a Christian and regarded himself as just a cultural outside observer. Afterward, at home with Sandy’s family, he had questions but hesitated to ask because he didn’t want his curiosity to be misunderstood for spiritual hunger. Marc knew a little about Sandy’s faith from earlier conversations. He just needed time to learn the vocabulary and meaning behind practices. Like, at communion, why did her pastor say, “Jesus gave the bread and cup to his followers during their Passover”?
And later, Marc respectfully described that same outsider feeling during their practice of prayer before the meal. He didn’t know what to do as Sandy’s family members took one another’s hands and closed their eyes while Sandy’s father prayed. Then, Marc’s mother-in-law mentioned that in honor of his presence, they were having pot roast instead of their usual Easter ham. He appreciated the gesture, but he didn’t exactly know what it meant. Was that a huge sacrifice for them—was ham somehow associated with the resurrection of Jesus?
We are all trapped to some degree by ethnocentrism: the attitude that our cultural assumptions about our own ways of doing things are correct. That may seem natural, but it can cause us to dismiss the cultural assumptions of other people at the same moment. We can begin breaching those obstacles by asking simple questions. (In fact, asking questions is quite on point with Passover!) Crossing cultural frontiers at the holidays really isn’t that hard if we can take time to learn from one another.
To increase cross-cultural understanding, we ought to take a step back and ask what commonly used words mean in our significant other’s culture. For example, “bread” at Passover has very specific composition and significance. The same word “bread” as used during a Christian communion service might have various ingredients and a particular importance to those receiving it.
The more you learn, the safer it becomes to ask questions about your loved one’s culture. Greater understanding brings us closer together and, at the same time, makes finding spiritual harmony possible.
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