We’re Having a Baby Boy! Should We Circumcise?
Circumcision is not the easy “yes” it once was in Jewish communities.
by Rebekah Rood I November 6, 2024
So, you’re having a baby boy? Mazel tov (congratulations)! Now get ready for the intrusive question: Will you circumcise him?
Until recently in Jewish families, whether to circumcise a baby boy was never in question. The only concerns were: What time will the bris be? And who’s getting the bagels?
But we’ve recently seen two cultural shifts: (1) Jewish intermarriage is the overwhelming trend, and (2) circumcision has become a hotly debated topic in medical communities, social circles, and maybe even at family dinners! In other words, you can’t please your bubbe, your grandpa, your pediatrician, and your partner.
Speaking of your partner, the two of you are together for a reason—you already have plenty of common priorities and goals that brought you together. At the same time, each culture has its own value system. Not surprisingly, in a cross-cultural marriage, each partner brings their own set of guiding principles to the table. You may not find out just how different and how tightly held some of those principles are until you come up against important parenting decisions!
We’ve coached many couples around the issue of circumcision. Here are five of the most common questions we’ve heard that you might be asking too.
What Has Circumcision Meant in Jewish Tradition?
The answer: a lot! If you’re the Jewish partner, you know that a bris (circumcision) is the first step in the enculturation of Jewish males. And if you’re the Gentile partner, you probably know that it’s highly valued, but you may not know just how much value has been placed on it through Jewish history.
Circumcision has been considered so important that traditionally, it has superseded other Jewish laws. Many Jewish boys will be circumcised on the eighth day after birth, even if that day is a Sabbath or Yom Kippur.
Circumcision makes a statement—an identity-affirming one: “One of us is Jewish, and our son is too.”
When it comes to your child’s cultural and ethnic identity, you have much to consider. Your concerns may sound like this: “In which tradition will we raise our child—yours, mine, or both? What does it mean for us to raise Jewish children?” With questions like that, we understand that this is a weighty decision, especially if you and your partner feel differently about it.
What if One Partner Is Anti-Circumcision and the Other Is Pro?
If you’re the non-Jewish partner, it may be that there’s no precedent for circumcision in your family. It may even be considered a big no-no in your own culture. If you do circumcise your son, will he be the only one on your side to have experienced that?
Or perhaps you and your partner agreed to go through with it when your baby boy was hypothetical, but now that said baby boy has a face and a name, you’re not so sure. Of course, no parent wants to see their child hurt or even crying.
With all the different perspectives floating around, it’s understandable that it might take you lots of time to mull over this decision. Some people might ask you, “Is it child abuse?” It’s worth discussing any concerns with your pediatrician or midwife. When you do talk with them, they might also cite some long-term benefits of circumcision.
Your son is just a baby now—this is just the first of many parenting decisions you’ll make. It’s not made easier by the fact that it’s a healthcare decision, a religious one, and a cultural one. But we want to encourage you: it’s not the only healthcare decision you’ll make, nor is it the only identity-affirming one. Use this time to get to know your partner more: ask each other good questions, practice healthy communication.
There will be plenty of voices around this decision, and we encourage you to seek wise advice from people you trust in your community. But eventually, the noise will quiet down. It’s up to the two of you to decide based on what’s best for your family.
What’s the Biblical Basis for Circumcision?
You may have heard that circumcision was part of the covenant promises that God made with Abraham. Here’s what the Old Testament has to say about it:
“I will establish my covenant between me and you and your offspring after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your offspring after you. This is my covenant … every male among you shall be circumcised.” (Genesis 17:7, 10)
When God gave elderly Abraham offspring supernaturally, along with that gift, He asked Abraham to trust Him with his physical body.
The fact that one of you is Jewish is an invitation of sorts. As a family, you are now invited to participate in the traditions, customs, and holidays of your people, including rites of passage like circumcision.
The Bible also mentions a few cases in which circumcision was an issue in intermarriage. For one example, Moses was raised Egyptian, and it was documented that he hadn’t circumcised his son. In the end, it was Zipporah (Moses’ Midianite wife) who made the decision to circumcise him (Exodus 4:25).
Will My Son Still Be Jewish if We Don’t Circumcise?
Deciding whether to circumcise may be based on faith, tradition, health factors, or all of the above. And should you decide not to, you may wonder if you missed an opportunity for a powerful rite of passage for your son.
Circumcision is a sign of the parents’ choice to declare their son’s Jewish identity. As far as figuring out what that identity looks like, that’s something your son will have to consider on his own as he gets older.
Faith and culture are transferred l’dor v’dor (from generation to generation). The choices you make and the patterns you establish for your family now will be formative for your child. At the same time, your son will be making his own choices too. Ethnicity doesn’t change, but culture is malleable, and faith can grow.
Though circumcision is a meaningful declaration, the Bible also tells us it is a symbol of something even greater:
“The LORD your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring, so that you will love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live.” (Deuteronomy 30:6)
In a life of faith, there are many physical statements and choices that are important in expressing and teaching faith in God. But they are also pictures of spiritual truths.
So … What Now?
When they say circumcision is a sign of the covenant, that’s another way of saying it’s a sign of being “set apart.”
The One who set you and your son apart did so for a reason. One of the most important reasons is that you would know Him and know one another. Digging into questions like this is part of that journey.
You can be a couple who asks the hard questions, does the research together, and won’t give up on the ideal of knowing one another and being known. (Just the fact that you’re here reading this article means you’ve already started down that path!) With those goals in mind, you are off to a great start at being parents.
We started this article with a “mazel tov,” and a “mazel tov” at closing feels appropriate too! So, congratulations on your new addition, and may you experience joy and wonder as you embark on this new adventure together.
Feel free to contact us if you’d welcome a third voice in this or any other cultural discoveries that come up.
Want to talk about raising children in a bicultural home?
Our coaches help interfaith couples like you with the tricky work of finding cultural and spiritual harmony.