Jewish Gentile Couples
Glossary of Terms Print E-mail
Written by Tuvya Zaretsky   

One of our goals is to help cross-cultural communication.  We can increase understanding if we define terms that we use regularly.  That is why we include a brief glossary here.

Couple:

The term "couple," as used in this context, has in mind two partners who are dating, cohabiting or who are married.  In all cases, only one of the partners is Jewish.  Some of the information provided is based on research conducted among heterosexual American Jewish-Gentile couples.
 

Jew:

In this website, the term "Jew" is an ethnic designation.  It refers to the people who are physical descendents of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.  Ethnicity is a genetic factor as distinct from a religious designation.  Not all of the people who are Jews practice a "Jewish religion."  The question of "Who is a Jew?" often has religious, political and sociological connotations.  In the sense it is utilized here the term is stripped of those implications and used in the purely ethnic sense as of a blood-related people.  It is a distinction based upon physical descendents. To illustrate, genetic diseases, like Tay-Sachs disease, are found only among ethnic Jewish people without regard for their religious beliefs, political inclinations or their social status.
 

Jewish:

The term "Jewish" is a descriptive term for all those things that are distinctive of people who happen to be Jews.  They are generally categories of culture (see culture defined below).  So, it is possible to speak of "Jewish food," a "Jewish neighborhood" or "Jewish humor."  It is appropriate to speak of cultural characteristics that are identified with Jews as a description – Jewish.
 

Gentile:

The term "Gentile" is a common Jewish ethnic designation for anyone who is a non-Jew.  From the Jewish perspective, populations are viewed as composed of Jews and everyone else, or the "gentiles."  Gentile comes from the French and Latin word for "pagan" or "heathen," typically meaning non-Jews.  It is derived from the Hebrew concept of goy or "nation," like the nation (people) of Israel and all the other "nations" or the goyim.  The New Testament makes the distinction in Ephesians 2:11, "…the Gentiles in the flesh, who are called 'Uncircumcision' by the so-called 'Circumcision' [Jews]." However, it should be noted that all other nations have specific names for their own people just as do the Jews. It may be obvious to the reader here, but many Gentiles do not ordinarily think of themselves as Gentiles.  However, it is a Jewish perspective.
 

Jewry:

The term "Jewry" is a collective term for Jewish people.  It may be a reference in part or in whole.  For example, it is used to describe "American Jewry" and "Israeli Jewry" or all of "world Jewry."
 

Judaism:

The term "Judaism" has been defined narrowly but is often applied very broadly.  It is the designation of the traditional monotheistic religion of the Jewish people.  However, the forms of Judaism are many with little agreement as to whose is the authentic version. it has also been used as a broad description that includes categories like Jewish civilization and even culture.  Milton Steinberg describe  Judaism broadly as "The total actualities, past and present, of the …Jewish people… (embracing) secular as well as sacred elements."  Stephen Wylen defined Judaism as "The way of life of the Jewish people. Culture, customs, ethics, sense of self… are part of Judaism as much as the faith and rituals of the Jewish religion." (Milton Steinberg, Basic Judaism, 1947: 3, and Stephen Wylen, Settings of Silver: An Introduction to Judaism, 1989: 3).
 

Culture:

Throughout this site, we use the term "culture" to mean all of those core values, lessons from experience, social expectations and behavioral practices that a person has learned. We view culture as the accumulation of life lessons about "how to" and "should," "trial-and-error" and basic beliefs about the origin of the world and moral order.  We have benefited from the work of Donald K. Smith in this context [See Smith, Donald K. Creating Understanding (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing house) 1992.]

Interfaith relationships:

Couples composed of “Jewish” and “Gentile” partners experience cross cultural challenges as they seek to understand the differences in their two ethnicities. Add to that mix a disparity of beliefs and their relational dissatisfaction can increase exponentially.

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Andrea Zaretsky  - Everyday Politeness or Culture   |99.226.202.214 |2010-01-16 09:54:52
My observations and comments are from a very down to earth point of view, not spiritual. To me, as a Jew, I
find eating pizza with my hands just fine. I am not stating this as a Jewish position, simply who I am and
how I feel about it. My son's father finds that very undignified and is certain pizza should be eaten with a
fork and knife.
My husband, who is also Jewish, and I tend to speak on top of one another when discussing
something in an animated way. He does it more because he had siblings and I didn't. I think the only way to
be heard was to speak louder than the previous voices. Some cultures find that rude and believe you should
wait until the person is completely finished speaking. I actually think they are right, but have a few Jewish
people in a room and you will hear the sound level escalate.
We don't eat in silence. We talk. And I
don't mean with a mouth full of food. Some find that rude.
Sometimes I find laughing at myself a great
tension reliever. To a Gentile it sounds self-deprecating and is a negative confession. Jews are known for
this type of humor.
There was a very funny article I saved called "Hebronics". It asks questions
and gives you the Jewish and Gentile answer. Question: "How are you?" Gentile answer: "Fine
thank you." Jewish answer: "How should I be? My arthritis is killing me".
You might ask
what does this matter, this Jewish-Gentile difference? My adult children become nervous and are ashamed of
the way I 'behave'. I need my children telling me how to 'grow up'? I wish I was kidding. Any ideas?

3.26 Copyright (C) 2008 Compojoom.com / Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved."

 
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I would say after 28 years of a "cross cultural" marriage there simply is no spiritual harmony. It has for me, been like being in a marriage by myself. With loving respect I would counsel anyone contemplating this sort of union to consider strongly 2 Corinthians 6:14.

That being said, I believe for those of us who did not heed God's guidelines, should stay in our marriage and believe God to display His mighty work (Romans 8:28).

More on Finding Spiritual Harmony...